How to Stop Letting the Unexpected Ruin Your Day | Ep. 15
Listen as Hannah and Amy discuss one of the most universal human experiences: when things do not go as planned. Whether it is a task you cannot seem to start, a goal that keeps not getting done, or a day that goes completely sideways before 9am, this episode is about what to do when life lifes.
We want to hear from you! Record yourself telling a story about an unexpected thing that came up and how you handled it. They will feature listener stories in a future episode. Email your recording or story to hello@icanbehappier.com.
Hannah opens with a story that will feel very familiar: a morning she had planned entirely for herself that unraveled within an hour thanks to a forgotten chiropractor appointment and a stranger's sewing machine. The difference between how she would have handled it years ago and how she handled it this time, by laughing in the bathroom instead of crying, is the thread that runs through the whole episode. That shift happened because of practice, reflection, and accumulated evidence that things tend to work out even when they go sideways.
Hannah and Amy cover the executive function skills at the heart of this topic: cognitive flexibility, task initiation, emotional regulation, planning and organization, and working memory. They share real client stories, practical strategies, and a reminder that the unexpected is not just an obstacle. It is information, and sometimes the most useful information you could have gotten. All clients stories are shared with permission from the clients.
In this episode: cognitive flexibility and why it matters, task initiation and productive procrastination, emotional regulation and emotional agility, Plan A versus Plan B, adjusting your definition of success, adding friction, body doubling, planning as a skill worth practicing, and why the unexpected might be pointing you somewhere you needed to go.
MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE
Susan David, PhD and Emotional Agility: Amy references David's work on turning toward difficult emotions rather than avoiding them as one of the strongest predictors of long-term wellbeing. Hannah's favorite quote, "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life," is also David's. Learn more about Susan David's work here. Her book Emotional Agility is well worth reading. We also enjoyed her appearance on one of our favorite podcasts, The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos.
John Lennon, Beautiful Boy: Hannah opens with the quote "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans," made famous by Lennon's 1980 song Beautiful Boy. She notes it was originally written by Allen Saunders in 1957.
Cognitive Flexibility: Read more about cognitive flexibility in Hannah's blog post on the topic, including benefits for both children and adults shared by Dajani & Uddin (2017) and others.
Body Doubling Sessions: Hannah and Amy now offer body doubling sessions, where you work alongside others virtually to get things done. People have reported completing tasks they had been avoiding for months, sometimes in as little as 20 minutes. Find the sessions at luma/bodydoubling.
CONNECT WITH US
Reach out to us! Email us at hello@icanbehappier.com or visit icanbehappier.com. Find us on Instagram at icanbehappier.podcast, and on Facebook and LinkedIn.
This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health support. Please reach out to a qualified licensed provider if you need help.
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Transcript
How To Stop Letting the Unexpected Ruin Your Day
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[:Introduction & Topic Overview
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[: [: [: [: [: his topic through that lens. [: [: ord of mouse. Word of mouse. [: [: [:then and Amy had a great idea. Uh, we both love listening to This American Life, and she reminded me that they have the opportunity for listeners to submit stories.
So record yourself telling us about an unexpected thing that came up and how you handled it, and we will feature your story in a future episode
And Amy, I'm just realizing we forgot to introduce ourselves again.
[: [: [: [: [: [:Hannah's Double-Booking Story
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[: I have [:And I was like, "What?" And then, so I was like, "Oh, okay. Yep, guess I have a chiropractor appointment today. Guess I'm not going to the gym." I went to the chiropractor, which was great, and then right after I left, I got a text from a woman who has a certain kind of sewing machine that I was gonna go over to her house and borrow.
And she texted and said, "Oh, I forgot to give you my address. Here's my address." And then I realized I was already 15 minutes late to going over to her house,
[: [:So I thought I was gonna start the day all relaxed, go into the gym, but no, I actually had double-booked myself and I didn't even realize it.
[: [: [: [: [: [:Like, regardless of how, you know, how much you have your shit together, every once in a while you're gonna double-book yourself and not even realize it.
[: [: [: [: [: [:Reflecting & Learning from Mistakes
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[: [: [:And so if you have a lot of anxiety about screwing stuff up like that, then if it happens to you and then you see, "Oh, wait, I actually did survive this,"
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:And it reminds me of my client she always says, uh, she lives and dies by her calendar, and if it's not in there, it just doesn't exist. And apparently, this is also true for me.
[: [:I would have apologized profusely to the woman whose house I couldn't go over to, and I, I probably would have even cried about it because I've,
[: [:And, you know, it, you know, it really, you really, really can work it out. And so I actually got the text from the lady when she was texting me to s- to give me her address, and I, I was in the bathroom when I got the text, and I just burst out laughing instead of, like, crying or, you know, beating myself up.
And I was just like, it was just, like, this absurd situation and I just was like, "Of course this happened," you know? "Of course I was supposed to be over at someone's house right now sewing."
[: [:You know, my doctor never even found out.
[: [: [: [: [: [:So
[: [: [: [: [: [: [:What was going on? I think can be a really useful to go in, in those situations.
[:Emotional Agility & Susan David
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[:And then you had, uh, mentioned emotional agility.
[: [: [: [:You also said something earlier that I think is a really great q- great question to ask with these kind of situations. You said, "What's the worst that could happen?" And I think that, that really asking that and, and not, you know, not like in a dramatic way, but in, you know, a really, like, serious and useful way.
Yeah, a realistic way. What is the worst that could happen, you know? And, and, and then how c- how do you tolerate that? How do you get through that?
[: [: [: [:Yep.
Cognitive Flexibility & Plan A/Plan B
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[:Just the
[: [: [: [: [: [: [:So if you can pr- you're, if you, if you practice that, you're also practicing that emotional regulation too. Pair those together, and it might be still difficult, uh, but at least you have m- maybe more tools.
Like, you guys have a plan B to fall back on, or, you know, you have more ideas in your, in your, you know, the back of your mind or written down on paper somewhere that you can, "Oh, wait a second. Okay, if this doesn't work, then I can try this other thing."
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:Redefining Success: Meal Planning Client Story
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[:He tends to, uh, fall back on ordering food out with a food ordering app for delivery, and he really wants to cut back on doing that. He, he wants to be more in control of what he's eating and know what he's putting in his body.
And so, so, uh, we had been working on meal planning and adding some grocery shopping in, and a couple weeks ago we worked on this plan. So he, his plan, you know, he lives alone, so his plan was to make two meals, uh, one maybe like on a Sunday, and the next one on a Tuesday or Wednesday, and then have them throughout the week. And, uh, so we, we made a shopping list, and he did it, and it went well.
didn't go well, and I, I, I [:Also, he was still in pain. He still is in pain from his broken leg. And it was only his second week back at work after having been out of work for two and a half months. And so once he did that reflection, he was like, "Oh." Like, the first week he was successful 'cause he was, like motivated and, and, and it, like real life hadn't sort of set in yet.
But the second week he, you know, he was getting more tired, and his leg was still hurting, and so, you know, it's, it's, it's, it was just a lot. And so when we w- he was able to look back on that, he was like, "Oh, okay. Yeah, I feel, I feel better about that."
[: [:And we even changed the target, changed the definition of what success looked like. And so before it was that he was not gonna get takeout, and he was only going to make his own food. But we said, we changed it and said, "You don't have to make your own food, but you can't order it from a delivery app. You have to leave the house and go to the restaurant and eat it there."
And that also covers some of his other goals. Uh, he lives in a city, so he's able to do this. He has to, he's supposed to exercise his leg so he can walk there, and he also wants to work on social interaction and so that would have, you know, covered that, and also would've gotten him outside, right?
was. So that's, that can be [: [: [:And so I suggested that he maybe delete his meal delivery apps because he needs some friction, right? If everything is too easy, then we're not gonna, we're just gonna fall back into our old habits. And so, uh, so he was like, "Oh yeah, that's a good idea." And then so I started to ask him- Um, you know, like how can we prioritize which apps to delete?
And he's like, "Oh, I'm already doing it," and he just deleted all of them , which was so funny and so great.
[: [: ould tell he was frustrated, [: [: [: [: [:But yeah. But now it's, yeah, yeah, it's more solid now, hopefully
[: [:Task Initiation & Productive Procrastination
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[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:Susan, Susan David said that emotional agility, right? And asking why, and how that's such an important question to ask. Because sometimes that really can unlock why you can't get started, and sometimes the answer is, "I just don't want to." Uh, but a lot of times, I have found, it's because there's not clarity on what you need to do, or it feels too hard.
at, what are the things that [: [: [: [: [: [: [:And he's like, "Okay, I'm done." I'm like, "Wait a second. You're supposed to trick yourself." And he's like, "Yeah, it doesn't work."
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:Practical Strategies: Adjacent Tasks, Organization & Body Doubling
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[: [:You know, how
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: and that can be an adjacent [:So it's like a little bit of that productive procrastination, except that it's directly related to the task that you actually have to do. Just having that there and ready for you sometimes can be helpful later on
[:So set those alarms on your phone or set yourself a task reminder. You know, write it down where you can see it. All of those things can be really helpful and help set the intention that it's time to do the thing.
[: [: [:And that brings in two things. One, you are just not the only one working, which can feel better. That can be very regulating for people. But also, there's a little bit of accountability, so you are gonna put it on your calendar because you know you're meeting someone else, and you don't wanna, you know, let them down.
Uh, and so you're more likely to remember to do it because you know that it will impact someone else if you don't show up. So, um, yeah. So those body doubling sessions can be super productive. I mean, we have seen that. You and I have both led body doubling sessions, and we have seen people say, "Oh my God, I've been avoiding this task for months, years even, and then I just did it in 20 minutes."
d people say that. It really [: [: [: [: [: [: [:It... Or you don't have your th- even your thoughts about what you're gonna do organized. So taking some time to, to do that writing or whatever, that setting up, that organization of your thoughts or stuff c- really, really can make a big difference
[: [: [: [:So I do, I do think there's a lot of value in when something doesn't work because then you can adjust it and, and try it again. And not necessarily until it works, but every time it doesn't work and you adjust it, you are, like you said in the beginning, you're gathering data that you can use
[:Reframing the Unexpected as Opportunity
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[: [: [:it's just not realistic. You know, like, like we said in the beginning, life is what happens when you're busy making plans. Life is what happens when you're, like, doing the thing, and then all of a sudden, the unexpected happens, whether it's, you know, something truly unexpected happens, like, I don't know, anything, an illness or, I don't know, you, like, lose your car keys or something.
u can recover from unex- the [: [: [: [: [:So it's really important to, to reframe your thinking about
[: [: [: [:So
[: [:So yeah, that's... You gotta, you gotta do that work to reframe it 'cause otherwise you can just get stuck in it. All right. Yeah, so takeaway is use your cognitive flexibility and your emotional regulation,
[: [: [: [: [:Outro & Contact Info
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[: [:And we are also on social media. You can find us on icannbehappier.podcast on Instagram. That's where we're most active, but we're also on Facebook and LinkedIn periodically. So all right. Well, thanks everyone. Have a great day
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