Happiness is Found in Progress with Nick Kellar | Ep. 7
Hannah and Amy sit down with Nick Kellar, a real estate entrepreneur, community leader, and mentor based outside of Baltimore. We knew he'd be a great guest and from the first few minutes it's clear why: he is, as Hannah puts it, a human version of the show's tagline. A person in progress who actively learns from stories and science, applies what he reads, and then passes it forward to the people he mentors.
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Nick's journey from happiness as a chase to happiness as a practice started with a commitment to lifelong learning and deepened through one of the hardest moments of his life. Sitting alone with his mother on her last day, a priest he'd never met gave him what he calls one of the most transformational gifts he's ever received: the reminder that the only thing that actually matters is the present moment, where your feet are. From there, his philosophy took shape. Happiness is in progress, not in outcomes. Small wins compound. Your definition of success is yours to decide.
This is a rich, warm, and surprisingly moving conversation that covers grief, fatherhood, relationships, letting go, and what it actually means to play an infinite game. Nick needed tissues. So did we.
In this episode: happiness as progress not perfection, priority management vs. time management, the windows and mirrors metaphor, lead indicators for a winning day, the circles of control and influence, the be-do-have equation, treating life like a scientist, grief as unexpressed love, the infinite game, defining your own success, the wheel of life, and what it feels like to be a girl dad of teenagers.
Nick Kellar is a real estate entrepreneur and mentor based in the Baltimore area, passionate about community impact and helping people in his industry and beyond define their own version of success. LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-kellar/
Heidi Shoemaker-Burnett is the executive function coach who connected Hannah with Nick. LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/shoemakerburnett/
BOOKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE
The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt: Nick cites this as a foundation for his belief that happiness is in progress, not arrival.
The Almanack of Naval Ravikant compiled by Eric Jorgenson: Naval's philosophy on wealth, peace of mind, and the cost of desire maps closely onto Nick's framework throughout the conversation.
The Four Disciplines of Execution by Chris McChesney, Sean Covey, and Jim Huling: The source of Nick's lead indicators framework, which he adapted from business execution into a personal philosophy for identifying what actually constitutes a winning day.
Think Again by Adam Grant: Nick recommends this in the context of holding your perspectives loosely and being willing to consider that you might be wrong.
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman: Hannah brings this in alongside Nick's "scientist vs. attorney" reframe, pointing to System 1 thinking (automatic, bias-prone) and System 2 thinking (effortful, reflective).
The Infinite Game by Simon Sinek: Nick calls Sinek one of his favorite authors and cites this book specifically for the reframe that business and life are not finite win-lose games but ongoing processes of improvement and impact.
Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker: Nick returns to this one as he navigates the teenage years with his daughters, taking comfort in the reminder to keep showing up, meet them where they are, and be their hero.
The Breakthrough Years by Ellen Galinsky: Hannah recommends this to Nick during the closing conversation about parenting teenagers. It covers adolescent development through an executive function lens and draws on interviews with over 1,000 teenagers about what they wish adults understood about them.
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Transcript
Nick Kellar
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[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:I'm pretty active in our community. I'm on our board with our local hospital uh, two other committees with the hospital. So I'm passionate about um, that organization. And then actually on my shirt today, I'm a board member with Hoffa Foundation, which was started by my... one of my best friends, T- uh, Tom, uh, when his brother passed from an overdose.
e stigma around recovery and [: [: [: [: [: [:It's just three o'clock's happening whether you do something or, or not. Uh,
[:Priority Management Over Time Management
---
[: [: [:my
[: [: [: [: [:Like, a schedule, time management is, kind of implies more rigidity,
[: [: [:and, and also just thinking about what, what you can control , you know, out of that. because yeah, Nick, as you said, yeah, 3:00 PM's gonna happen whether or not you are managing what you need to manage.
[: [: [:You know, the calendar isn't the only way to skin that cat. But for me, it's what's worked is knowing what I need to do that particular day for it, to be a winning day, S- you know, blocking it into time, and then, then I-- all I gotta do is just do it, and it becomes easy. I take the the thinking out of it.
on't need to think as my day [: [: [:No is declining a future obligation, a future commitment. Subtraction creates space, and both are needed. Know kind of where you are on that spectrum, whether it's a new commitment ask or if it's something you wanna say yes to and, and maybe there's something that's not of importance to you anymore or doesn't carry the same weight anymore that you could subtract so that you could then add what you wanna commit to.
[: [: [: [: [: [: [:I have to do more."
[: mirror and what they can do [: [:So Nick, I would love for our listeners to hear just your personal philosophy on happiness, if you can tell us a little bit about that
[: do them. And when, uh, I put [: [: [: ective So I'd say being, uh, [: would say is probably in that:It was,
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t day, um, had written her a [:And I wasn't raised with religion. That's changing now for me, uh, which is a growth part of my life, side note. But I really wasn't raised with it. So it, it had not had the importance that it's having now. but I was like, Yeah, I do. I, I d- I wanted somebody. And this guy came in. I didn't really know him from Adam. And um, he embraced me.
I thought at the moment was [:Um,
[: [: didn't lead people. She led [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: 's something to be proud of. [: [: [: [:Think it's important to talk about those things because It does serve as a backbone of building that perspective.
[: [: [: [: [: [:L?
[: [: [: [: [: [: [:like a, it looks like
[: [:And the center what you can control, that's quite small because
[: [: [: [: [: [:And at the end of the day, like, I don't know about you guys, but I don't-- life's hard enough. don't wanna carry around the bag of bricks, the burden of feeling like I need to control everything 'cause I can't, and being able to let a lot of stuff go because I can't control it, creates a lot of freedom.
[: [: [: [: [: [: [:even our unspoken expectations. We assign them all the time, and then we're pissed off or we're mad or we're upset because they're not met or we, uh, or we're just carrying around these stories. And, that makes it harder. When you can let all that go because you don't have control over it, you start to learn that maybe I need to choose positive intent before assuming else- elsewise, right?
ny enemy that you have could [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:Um,
and then being open doesn't mean you're weak. It actually is the greatest sign of mental strength that I could think of. It means you're so strong mentally that you're willing to consider, uh, perspectives of others. That's courage.
[: [:It doesn't have to be like this." when you are more of a rigid thinker and that thinking flexibly is, is very effortful, then it is just harder. And then if you don't know that you could have a better way of living, a better life, a better experience, then yeah, it's rough
[: s not the right perspective. [: [: [: [: [:It's not g- It... How often does that
actually even work?
[: [:Like,
[: [: [: [: [: [: 's where we have to actually [: [:I would come home and, um, I don't know. I was, I was having some fun with it, like, with my wife specifically. She said something where like, "You're being an asshole," and I'm like, "Am I being an asshole, or is that a story you're telling yourself?" And she-- "Shut up. I know you just learned that. Stop that."
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: re's a equation in life that [:It,
[: [:It's
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:there's a, it's a law of physics, so it's science. Uh, like attracts like,
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: . Um, she robbed the [:I would ma- I, I know I was getting frustrated that we were kind of always at a disconnect, and it was because I wasn't becoming. I wasn't also changing as well. I wasn't evolving. I was just saying, "It would be better, it would be cool if you were more like this, if you did this more." But You gotta evolve with it in order to attract those, th-that growth in your relationship. You have to become in order to do things differently so that you can have differently from the other person. Um, and so for a lot of people, anybody that might be stuck in their relationships, look in the mirror. How are you evolving in that relationship?
[:I said, You, you can't. You can't force them. You have to do it for yourself."
[: [: [:changing
[: [: [: [:So Nick, I know that you, that you do a lot of mentoring professionally and personally as well. So can you just tell us a little bit about what that looks like for you and what are some, maybe some common themes that you see where people need support?
[: [: [: [: [: [:And I guess that's part of it too, is defining your definition of success. What is success to you? I think a lot of people when they think success, they think money, right?
Or
[: [:That's just one aspect of life.
does the rest of it [: [:You know, what does that progress look like for me personally? Um, just keeping all those things in mind I think is just really, really helpful. Uh, yeah, thank you so much, Nick, for sharing that. I, I love, love hearing about that. So yeah
[: ur health have to look like? [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:I appreciate... I've just appreciated being their dad. I'm so grateful to be their dad. Um, but they're 17 and 13 so they're, uh, the season of life that we're in is very chaotic. Um, one is a lacrosse player, a very good lacrosse player.
olving into this season, um, [:I've loved and embraced every bit of that, and it's different now. And I don't want to say I'm holding on to what was. It's just, it's lonelier
[: [: [: [: [: [:You know, they're, they're actual humans now. They're not like little kids. And, um, Yeah I miss the hand-holding where their hand, little hand, this, it was like this.
[: [: [: [:Now it's, you know, a teenage girl dad, and that was, it's, it's, uh, it's been a struggle at times sometimes for me emotionally, just because I've loved it so much.
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:Sorry ladies, this is more for the girl dads out there, but it's one of the best books I ever read, And I had to go back to it because this was so under-talked about. Is, the book's called Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, And, um, she goes through being a girl dad through different, um, stages of life with daughters of girls that she's counseled including teenagers.
And I had to go back to it to, 'cause it, I, I read it early on, years and years ago, to remind myself that they will come back. Just keep showing up. meeting them where they're at. Be their hero. And so just finding strength to always be there no matter what, even if they didn't wanna talk to me.
That's part
[: [: Sorry ladies, but they, you [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:want
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:the book is broken down into the five messages that most of the over 1,000 teenagers that she interviewed told her that they want parents and adults to learn about them.
And so that's what she studied. And it's a, it's a long book, but it is such, such g- uh, such a good book, such a good read. I recommend it to...
[: [:All right, so Amy, what about you?
[: [: [:And it's just, it makes such a big difference doing that. So yeah.
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:Hannah, what about you? What's,
[: [: [:for
[: [:I'm doing two this week. I did, uh, or I did two this week, one for middle school, one for high school. And then on Tuesday, I get to talk with my favorite group, which is college students and their parents, and, or, you know, f- college-bound students, I should say. And so I've been working really hard, uh, on those decks and the content, and it just has been so fun.
And I, and I actually collaborated with a, another local executive function coach for the middle school and the, uh, and the high school one. And yeah, so I love it. I love public speaking. I love it. It's so much fun for me. And I love creating decks and all that, and
[: [:Uh, you were saying most people are a natural introvert. I am, I
[: [: [: [: [: [:Yeah.
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:I-
[: [:The last step of mastery is teaching,
[: [: [: [: [:you
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:So yeah.
[: [: [: [: [: [: [:And then, like he
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:Lots of people are
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:All right. Thanks, everybody, and don't forget, please, uh, please, please rate us. Please give us, please give us a five-star rating. So was it five stars or four? Did I just mess up?
[: [: [: [: [:
